At some point in our lives, we have all stood, feet firmly planted, dead smack in the middle of our own way, blocking access entirely to the accomplishment or acquisition of something that we’ve really wanted.
This article will help you understand exactly why we humans do this, and then offer some simple steps you can take based on five NLP Success Principles that will help get you straight on the path to accomplishing those goals you’ve set for yourself.
Standing in our own way is how we outwardly manifest our inner feelings of shame, anger and unworthiness.
Because we have had these feelings and thoughts for so long, they have become ingrained in us, and we often do not stop to realize that we have the power to change those thoughts and feelings into something that will better serves us. We can step out of our own way and create as much of the love, fulfillment, joy and success as we want, as long as we begin to value ourselves. Only then can we fully realize our potential, and discover once and for all, we are worthy of having those things, just by changing the way we think and feel, and by changing our self-talk. Sounds good, right? Read on.
Some of the most common areas in which we struggle are: finances, career path, health, relationships and spiritual alignment. We sometimes struggle in those areas, because we’ve become programmed (by our own doing, or more likely, by unknowingly allowing others to do so,) to believe the negative thoughts we’ve been telling ourselves for a very long time. If we believe that we are not good at something, say having healthy relationships, we are going to keep practicing the same behaviors that will continue to produce stressful or non-reciprocal bonds with other people until we change something within ourselves.
A common question asked by those looking to change their thought process, is “How did we ever get stuck in the repetitive cycles of negative self-talk in the first place?” Well, at some point in our development, most likely in infancy or childhood, we were very receptive to the words spoken and actions that were being taken around us. Sometime those were very supportive words and actions, sometimes they were unsupportive words and actions, and sometimes, they were neither- no exposure to supportive or unsupported words or actions, we were just alone to draw our own conclusions, and many times those were thoughts and feelings of lack or insufficiency.
Another commonly asked question is, “Why is it so hard to try changing my thoughts from negative to positive?” It might surprise you to hear this, but, we stay stuck in those negative thought patterns because we are getting something out of them. Yes, really! It could be acknowledgement that you are right about something (i.e.: “I’m so stupid,” or “I can never have that,” or “That person is better than me”.) It could be a sense of security you cling to, so that you won’t have to take chances and therefor, risk the possibility of losing and getting emotionally injured. How about the story of the young man who was rejected by two dozen girls at the school dance? Finally, he just decided to give up asking, believing that no girl would ever want to dance with him. The recoding in his head said, “Stop asking, you idiot! You’re making yourself look like a fool!” The problem with listening to that negative self-talk in his head, is that the very next girl who walked in through the auditorium door, happy and beautiful, spent the whole night hoping he would see her, and ask her to dance. They both went home sad and disappointed that night. If he would have only gotten out of his own way, they might have been married today and enjoying grandchildren together!
When we stop to remind ourselves that our conscious mind sets our goals, and our unconscious mind sets out to carry out those goals, we need to be sure our unconscious mind is singing the right tune!
Here are Five Success Principles of NLP that everyone can implement immediately, and start getting much closer to accomplishing all those fantastic goals.
1. Know what you want your outcome to be
Visually create and commit to accomplishing the outcome you desire. Think of all the moving parts associated with your outcome, and start trying to feel yourself already having accomplished your goal. Use these criteria to completely build out the image of what you desire:
Make sure you state what it is you want in a positive way, and as if you already have it. Don’t state or visualize the outcome you’d prefer not to have. For example, “I have a job in which I create my own work schedule,” and not, “I don’t want a nine to five job.”
Use all your senses in creating your vision. In your mind, how do you feel about this new job? Are you ecstatic? How does your new working environment look and sound? Is it peaceful and quiet, is it simple, organized and comfortable? It is exciting, loud, creative and always different each day? Try to use all five senses when telling your unconscious mind the story about what you want to have.
Dictate the context. Where is this new job specifically located? Who is surrounding you? What is the title, and what are the responsibilities of this new job? Why is this new job important to you, and how is it making your life better? When are you starting this new job? The more specific you get with articulating the context surrounding your desired outcome, particularly about the timing, the closer your unconscious mind will get to bringing you that exact result.
What resources are available? Stop and think about all the resource you have at your disposal in helping you properly do this new job. Get creative. Who do you know that will help you? Where can you get additional resources? What would it take to find more resources? Spend some time here really thinking or writing out every possible resource you can think of that will aid you in fully succeeding at this new job.
Is your desired outcome balanced and ecological? Answer these three questions:
Is it good for me?
Is it good for others?
Is it good for the greater good?
Is your desired outcome worthwhile? This is a tough one, because we tend to think that most things we do are worthwhile, when sometimes we are just spinning our wheels. Pull out your analytical thinking skills and see if your outcome is something that will truly have a positive and direct impact on your life, or if it will help to improve the lives of others.
2. Start taking action steps
This may be one of the most important steps, though they are all very important! You are not going to be able to move the needle if you are idling and doing nothing. Take action and do something! It can be an initially small action, an aggressive action, just an action! Do your best to think it through before you take each step. Remember the laws of motion? An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion, right?
3. Complete Presence
Begin operating from a place of complete presence also called mindfulness, or situational awareness. Train yourself to be completely aware of what is happening around you, and what is being said in all your conversations, and be especially aware of your own actions. Don’t let the mumbling or self-talk in your head interfere with you being completely present. This is going to allow you to recognize opportunities that you may have discounted or overlooked. Pay attention to who is providing ideas or suggestions or resources that you can use. Remember, we are still thinking only positive thoughts, and if the negative ones that say you can’t do this because (fill in the blank) show up, tell them to go away, you are clearly focused on your goals.
4. Behavioral Modification
Albert Einstein once pointed out, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Let’s stop doing the same thing over and over again. Let’s try something new. Look at your goal from every direction. Literally. Consider it when you first wake up, at midday and before you go to sleep. Consider it indoors and consider it outdoors. Consider doing it alone, or with others. How creative can you get? Can you modify your same old thinking and bust out of the box? If you are going to sit around and think or try the same thing over and over again, you are clearly not getting out of your own way, and that is the purpose of this entire article.
5. Know you have already succeeded
If you create a mindset that you have already succeeded at your goal, you’re more than halfway there! Show gratitude for the progress you have already made. Show gratitude for the resources you’ve already been provided. Continue to project that positive, grateful and creative energy outward, and see how much faster you get to your end goal than if you stayed stuck listening to your old pre-programed thoughts and feelings. Feel good, think good, do good, and you’ll accomplish your goals in no time!
Guest Author Bio:
Mike Bundrant is the author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage and co-founder at The iNLP Center which offers online certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and life coaching.